After some quick conversation with the husband last night, and some serious thinking about what's been going on in my life recently, I've made the decision to make some decisions.
I don't have too much longer to go before I can put them in writing, but suffice it to say that it's going to be good.
It's going to mean there's going to be a lot less stress in my life, and a lot more joy (no, I'm not separating from my husband). Ha ha. See what I did there? I made a hilarious 'spouse' joke.
But it's actually the spouse who said 'you should listen to this great Freakonomics podcast - I think it'll do you some good.' And you know what? It did.
It got me thinking that what I spend my days doing has to be something that I not only LIKE doing, but that lets me use the expertise and the experience I have on a daily basis. Currently, what I'm doing could be done by a robot (see previous post on this subject), or they could save themselves a ton of cash and just get some newbie, wet-behind-the-ears recent graduate or temp to make screenshots of websites, and put up pictures on the noticeboard, or make sure that everyone gets the monthly email about passwords.
Yep. This is my job. After 25 years in business, this is the majority of my work. Sure. I have projects to work on. But I'm so busy doing administration and clean-up, that I can't find the time to actually perform any of the tasks that are supposed to show why I need to do more and be more. But I spend an inordinate amount of time putting data from one excel spreadsheet into another, and sorting it (over, and over, and OVER again) because someone somewhere (who has no idea of what I do, or how I do it) has made a decision that may see like a good idea, but doesn't bear any resemblance to reality.
Oh yes. I also love being told off by a newly hired colleague how to do my job, and why how we've always done something clearly isn't how we should still do it. Please note: I've been at my place of employment since 2002, with an 18 month break between 2005-6. So clearly I wouldn't have any experience with change, or have been through any restructures, or new 'business implementations' engineered by profit-seeking (and utter out of touch with reality) bean counters and uber-Geschäftsleute who got their MBAs and love to talk about globalization, but haven't been in the trenches in years.
I'm just done. I'm done with the stress that makes me grind my teeth at night so badly that I get headaches. I'm done with the place that raises my cortisol levels to such an extent that I get the shpilkas just walking in the front door of the place. And to run with the Yiddish here, I'm also over the schmegeggy who's made me cry twice (when I swore it would never happen). I'm an ADULT, for God's sake!
So watch this space, nu? It's all going to be great.
Showing posts with label shpilkas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shpilkas. Show all posts
Wednesday, 4 February 2015
Tuesday, 30 October 2012
Serious Spilkas
First blog of ever. Perched on the sofa with a cup of decaf just made. Now we shall see how to make things pretty and interesting.
I've been spending most of today with serious spilkas. While I'm happy to admit that it's all my own fault, I do wonder what life would be like without feeling constantly worked up or worried about something. I'm seriously desperate for the job thing to happen, and I can't remember being this excited about what I don't know in a very long time. I suspect that's part of the spilkas.
Ideally, this job thing will happen, and I can knock the last six+ years on the head and move forward into doing something that may just be a better fit, period. It's a weird feeling, because it's not like I don't LIKE doing what I'm doing; I do. But regardless of what goes on, or what doesn't, or things I do correctly, or things I don't, I don't honestly feel like I've actually learned anything new in years.
I read a great quote the other day, although no one seems to know who actually said it - 'Doing the same thing again and again while expecting different results -- THAT'S insanity.' That somehow feels like my life in a nutshell. While I continue to try to make what I do fun and interesting, I simply can't get my head around the fact that they aren't interested. AT ALL. And that's fine. Logically, I understand. But emotionally, I don't. I like to see how things start out, and how the process changes the raw materials, which then become the result of the initial idea, and hopefully the result is what was foreseen, or hoped for, or even better than what was hoped for. But instead, it feels like a terrible uphill struggle. And the uphill struggle is something I've done to myself.
I think that I finally understand that in order to be successful where I am, I'll have to actually change who I am. But in reality, it seems so much simpler to change what I do every day.
With this in mind, I'm now off to do a bunch of yoga pranayamas (kapalabhati, anyone?) and positive visualizations. It can't hurt, but it can help eliminate the spilkas. That will be a good starting point.
I've been spending most of today with serious spilkas. While I'm happy to admit that it's all my own fault, I do wonder what life would be like without feeling constantly worked up or worried about something. I'm seriously desperate for the job thing to happen, and I can't remember being this excited about what I don't know in a very long time. I suspect that's part of the spilkas.
Ideally, this job thing will happen, and I can knock the last six+ years on the head and move forward into doing something that may just be a better fit, period. It's a weird feeling, because it's not like I don't LIKE doing what I'm doing; I do. But regardless of what goes on, or what doesn't, or things I do correctly, or things I don't, I don't honestly feel like I've actually learned anything new in years.
I read a great quote the other day, although no one seems to know who actually said it - 'Doing the same thing again and again while expecting different results -- THAT'S insanity.' That somehow feels like my life in a nutshell. While I continue to try to make what I do fun and interesting, I simply can't get my head around the fact that they aren't interested. AT ALL. And that's fine. Logically, I understand. But emotionally, I don't. I like to see how things start out, and how the process changes the raw materials, which then become the result of the initial idea, and hopefully the result is what was foreseen, or hoped for, or even better than what was hoped for. But instead, it feels like a terrible uphill struggle. And the uphill struggle is something I've done to myself.
I think that I finally understand that in order to be successful where I am, I'll have to actually change who I am. But in reality, it seems so much simpler to change what I do every day.
With this in mind, I'm now off to do a bunch of yoga pranayamas (kapalabhati, anyone?) and positive visualizations. It can't hurt, but it can help eliminate the spilkas. That will be a good starting point.
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