Serious Spilkas

First blog of ever. Perched on the sofa with a cup of decaf just made. Now we shall see how to make things pretty and interesting.

I've been spending most of today with serious spilkas. While I'm happy to admit that it's all my own fault, I do wonder what life would be like without feeling constantly worked up or worried about something. I'm seriously desperate for the job thing to happen, and I can't remember being this excited about what I don't know in a very long time. I suspect that's part of the spilkas.

Ideally, this job thing will happen, and I can knock the last six+ years on the head and move forward into doing something that may just be a better fit, period. It's a weird feeling, because it's not like I don't LIKE doing what I'm doing; I do. But regardless of what goes on, or what doesn't, or things I do correctly, or things I don't, I don't honestly feel like I've actually learned anything new in years.

I read a great quote the other day, although no one seems to know who actually said it - 'Doing the same thing again and again while expecting different results -- THAT'S insanity.' That somehow feels like my life in a nutshell. While I continue to try to make what I do fun and interesting, I simply can't get my head around the fact that they aren't interested. AT ALL. And that's fine. Logically, I understand. But emotionally, I don't. I like to see how things start out, and how the process changes the raw materials, which then become the result of the initial idea, and hopefully the result is what was foreseen, or hoped for, or even better than what was hoped for. But instead, it feels like a terrible uphill struggle. And the uphill struggle is something I've done to myself.

I think that I finally understand that in order to be successful where I am, I'll have to actually change who I am. But in reality, it seems so much simpler to change what I do every day.

With this in mind, I'm now off to do a bunch of yoga pranayamas (kapalabhati, anyone?) and positive visualizations. It can't hurt, but it can help eliminate the spilkas. That will be a good starting point.