The Grind

So I've posted before about the headaches I get. I call them monsters. And they really are. Horrible things, and I can sort of tell that they're coming. I'm one of those lucky people who tend to get them monthly. However, I can get them any time, so it's not like I can take prophylactic measures, as if I'm a werewolf, and I just need penning up every time there's a full moon.

I've been to the GP to try to figure this out. The suggestion is that I should take ibuprofen two days before my 'cycle' starts (sounds like I'm getting ready to go out on my Triumph Thunderbird for a spin) to head off the headache. But I can't. Because regularity hasn't been something I associate with myself recently.

There's a possibility that it's related to 'hormonal fluctuation', to use GP-speak, and so the topic of hormone replacement of one kind or another was brought up. Regulate the hormones, and then I'll know when it's coming, and can medicate in advance.

Except I can't. Because I'm too old (no COCs for those over 40), and because COCs are a major no-no for anyone who gets migraines.

Did you know that migraineurs (well, officially I'm a migraineuse) have a slightly higher risk of stroke that people who don't get 'em? And if you get aura with 'em, the risk is even higher? I know. It just gets better and better (thanks WHO, for that info).

Anyway - I can't regulate, so I can't anticipate.  And if I can't anticipate, I can't medicate.

I feel like I'm in an INXS video.

So I've been prescribed meds to take when the headaches hit. And believe me, they hit. For people who don't get migraines, there's just no explaining the pain. I have had two caesarean sections. I'd rather have more of those than a migraine.

It's almost impossible to function in the middle of a migraine, and yet just because I have them doesn't mean that I can bunk off work, stop being a mom, not cook dinner, stop doing laundry -- stop my life. There are still a zillion things that need doing and having a migraine hasn't got bugger all to do with not doing all those things.

So I've asked about pain meds, hormone therapy, I've kept a food diary, stopped drinking booze, limited my caffeine, sworn off pungent cheeses -- you name it. And still they come.

Then my jaw started hurting a couple weeks ago. Properly hurting. But I'd had a four-day headache, and a bit of earache to go along with it. Was pretty sure that it was just the preamble to winter illness. But I went to the dentist, thinking I hadn't been in a while, and maybe I had a cavity.

And the dentist, after a quick X-ray (no cavities), asked a few questions about what it felt like, and then came out with TMJ as a possible reason for the jaw ache.

Have you ever seen one of those films where the protagonist realizes something, and there's this great cinematic blur of the images whipping through the mind of the main character as they put all the puzzle pieces together to eventually end up exactly where they are Right Now, where the Solution To The Issue That's Been Plaguing Them is Suddenly Revealed?

That was me.

When I was 11, I had braces. And headgear. And so while I have straight teeth and no overbite now, what I have is a horrible clicking jaw (the husband said the sound of it was practically a deal breaker). And then in 2010 when I was pregnant and at my dentist appointment, I was told that the dentist could see microscopic cracks in my teeth, which indicated that I was grinding my teeth at night. So I was made a tooth guard to wear at night, which I brought home from the dentist and promptly forgot about after the second child was born.

But my mom found something out - she's found a whole bunch of info about how bruxism is related to headache. A Whole Bunch. And bruxism is related to anxiety and stress. Very Related. (NB: Thanks, gaggle of GPs, who've NEVER suggested this throughout my 8 year quest to figure out why I get headaches - much obliged).

The headaches started in 2006, when I worked for a company that I hated so badly I came home and cried every night. Stress? Yep. Did I have anxiety issues in 2007 after my first kid was born? Sure did. Am I a worrywort (2003-present)? You betcha. 

So I dug around in the closet, found the tooth guard, and I've been wearing it based on the recommendation of the dentist (and my mom) who said if I've got it, I should be wearing it. And to go for a good fortnight to see if I notice any difference. And that she reckons the sore jaw, the earache, and the grinding are all related.

Maybe these headaches, while still clearly linked to Diana, may abate a bit by my wearing my bit of kit when I sleep. So far I'm two nights in, 12 to go.

We'll see what happens.

Doing the Build

I woke up this morning feeling absolutely wretched.

I get headaches. Big, bad migraines. I hate 'em. And I have meds for them, and sometimes they work, and sometimes they don't. This morning was a don't.

So I got up with the rest of the family, did the ponytails and sorted out the toothbrushes. Then when they all left to go to school, I took a shower, and then went back to bed and slept until 11am. Which was great, because by the time I got up, the headache was mostly gone. Like Westley, in The Princess Bride is 'mostly dead', which means he's a little bit alive. So the headache was still a little bit alive, too.

But by about 1pm I was OK. So I decided to do a couple of things that have been collecting. I recycled the old batteries, took the small, broken electrical things to the SBET collection facility (see you, Obnoxious Laughing Santa thing - it's been real), did the charity shop drop, went to the ironmonger, and then home again. Which is when I decided to finish the wood storage.

My husband has been telling me for about three months that he wasn't going to buy any firewood for our house until we had a place to store the firewood. We DID have a place to store it last year, which was just piled crazily against the house about as far away from the back door as you can get and still be on a paved surface. Sort of a long way to go when it's pelting down rain and you're in slippers. But he wanted a REAL place to store the firewood. And when he investigated about how much it'd cost to buy one (150 quid or so), I just said in a casual way, 'Honey, I'll just build you one'. Of course, this was one of those times where he was actually listening to what I said, so he said 'Great idea!'.  Figures.

When I was at the ironmongers, I bought some self-tapping screws (IS there any other kind to use, really?), and some nails (oooh - it's like pick and mix, but for building supplies!). I got a few other things, too, but that's for later.

Armed with a hammer, a chisel, my electric drill (clever me I charged the battery up last week), and my electric saw, I took apart two pallets, and with the bits from those, and various pieces of scrap wood we've been hoarding from a building project last summer, I made him a wood storage. It's pretty great, if I may say so. I think I want to say so because it's made from reclaimed wood, and I like that. It also sort of looks a little bit like something you'd see in R.A. Miller's back garden -- it's not perfect, and it's very rustic, but that's why it looks so cool; at least why I think it looks cool.

So I think that being outside in the cold (2 degrees C today) and doing something physical, but not formally exercise, helped get rid of the headache. It's a bit meditative, actually. There's an end result that I'm hoping to gain, yes, but it's also a task that has to be done in a completely mindful way - there's no room for thinking about something else when you're busy using an electric saw. It's the same frame of mind I can get into when I'm following a really involved crochet pattern - you can't think of something else, or you end up with a completely wonky piece of unidentifiable yarn thing.

So I did a bit of letting my mind wander (in an 'I'm very much paying attention to the electric saw' kind of way) and did a bit of mulling about The Carrot thing. It's still very much front of mind. But I find that I'm able to think about The Carrot when I've got some peace and quiet. It's a drag that the peace and quiet was precipitated by a monster of a headache, but I guess I'll take what I can get.

I've still got some serious thinking to do. Certainly nothing is going to be discovered in a day, or a week. But just going outside, and working with my hands, and starting with a large pile of odds and ends and leftovers, and ending up with a wood storage thing and a much smaller pile, was good. The coldness of the day, and the quietness that was so quiet that I could hear the echo of the hammer hitting the nails, was a good place to be in for that couple of hours.