Captain Kirk

Kobayashi Maru? Yeah, I beat that.

Have you ever noticed that Captain James T. Kirk is (mostly) a man of action, but that he can be cerebral, too? And the reason he's the captain of the USS Enterprise is because of how he makes his decisions.

Oh, sure. He's reckless at times; he trusts his gut instinct; and he doesn't give a crap about your diplomatic precedence -- he's gonna shoot you a look that says 'I told you so' when you've ignored the warning about not beaming down to the planet's surface, and then when you're surprised to be told you've been chosen as a casualty and you've got 24 hours to report to a disintegration booth, he STILL saves your sorry ass.

But the point is that he's good at making decisions, most of the time. And by that, I mean USUALLY; like 99% of the time. He's THAT good.

Captain Kirk doesn't care two hoots if people like him or not (well, except the lay-deez). He can't be bothered to determine if what he's about to do might honk people off, or get the gossip mill turning. He just DOESN'T care. He does what he thinks is the right thing to do.

And I've been wondering a lot lately about the decisions that people make, and why they make those decisions. And I've been wondering about people who stay with a job/person/hairstyle/etc. because they're worried about what people may think if they DON'T stay.

I'm not suggesting that you throw it all away, or give it up to trek the planet in search of your SELF while your bank balance diminishes exponentially by the day, or while your family wonders what the hell happened to you when you went out for milk and never returned.

But what I AM suggesting is that maybe we can all try to be a little more true to ourselves, and maybe a bit more understanding of others, especially when we look at how people choose to live their lives. Sometimes the decisions that people make that seem hair-brained are pretty courageous. (I'm also aware that some decisions people make are stupid, selfish decisions, but that's for another post...)

People are afraid. Really, really, afraid. Afraid of change, being alone, the shit-eye, disapproval, less money, more responsibility, being stuck, having to move, trying sushi, bad guys, blah, blah, blah. We ALL are afraid. And it's OK to be afraid.

But it's also OK to say, 'the HELL with being afraid', and then bleaching your hair platinum blond, or throwing in the towel on the horrible relationship you've been in for a zillion years, or going to a yoga class even though you're the fattest person in the room. Sometimes it's just about making the decision. You can always decide tomorrow what you're going to do next.  Right now, it's just about making that first move, and deciding to DO something. You can always dye your hair back, or find a new boyfriend, or invest in your very own yoga mat tomorrow. Right now - just go for it. There is something YOU can do to affect your life for the better.

I think what I'm afraid of is waiting until the last minute to decide to do something. (NB: deciding to do something is good, even if it's at the last minute). But then I think about all those years where I'd have missed out on enjoying the fruits of making that one decision. It's the feeling I equate with climbing up the ladder of the enormously tall diving platform, and inching my way out to the edge, and realizing that I have to jump. I can't go back down; I've got to go OFF THE END...

Someone I used to know a long time ago used to just let out a huge, guttural 'COME ON!' and then dive into life. He made some seriously scary decisions, for him. And it got him into a lot of hot water, at times. But he was true to what he preached. And I admire that.

Kirk never lets on that he's afraid. You only see him sweat when he's been pummeling the baddie into submission when they're trying to take over his ship, or keep him from saving this episode's hot chick. You don't ever see the thin film of perspiration on his upper lip when he's faced with a situation that would make the rest of us shit our pants, and then bawl for our mommies.

But it's there. He's just as scared as the rest of us. The difference is, Jim doesn't let it get the best of him.

Kirk out.

Ship Ahoy

The countdown has begun. While I'm certainly going to miss the way that certain things have been, I'm also really looking forward to the way that things COULD be, because it's been a long time since I have anticipated something in this way.

I wonder, though, what it will be like when I'm presented with a blank slate? The 'tabula raza' aspect of what's about to happen is daunting at the same time that it's inviting; the unknown is supposed to be exciting - to provide the adrenaline rush that encourages movement forward.

While what I'm about to embark upon certainly isn't something that equates to my sitting down and have a quick but judicious read of The Art of War,  it has made me think about things that have, and haven't, motivated me in the past. It's also made me realize that I can be particularly immature about various things. While I'm convinced that part of this immaturity is something I come by genetically, I've done some work on trying to stifle those parts of my cell makeup that lend themselves to hysterical denial of responsibility of things that are truly my fault.

With this in mind, though, I do feel as though I have a small (but present) ability to perhaps look at what I'm about to do, and where I'm about to go, and make some decisions and choices about how I want to be perceived, how I want to function, and what I want to accomplish.

I'm rather sure that I'll never be a heavy hitter in any aspect of my life. But I'm looking forward with relish to sinking my teeth into some new things, and some new experiences, and to learning how to become a new person professionally.

I mentioned over the weekend to the person I love best in the world that, while I may be crap at lots of things, I can sure as hell cook.

I'd like to think that I'm going to be pretty darned good at doing what I'm about to set out to do, as well. It appears that I'm going to have some people who are very willing to help, teach, encourage, and support me. It's been a long time since I've felt that way.

We'll see how it all goes.